Couples Work

Try & have courageous conversations where partners feel comfortable identifying their unique interests and concerns. Partners who do not share their hopes or fears have difficulty understanding the others’ actions or attitudes. We all have different aspects to us , these make up who we are- the parts of the Self.
Unless we help our partner to understand our feelings, resentment can build through lack of communication and encouragement of empathy.

Do not say “never” or “you always.” If or when an argument surfaces, the ‘accused’ partner hears only the accusation of blame or guilt and not the underlying reasons why the partner is upset. It is far more effective to tell your partner why a particular action is a problem rather than making an accusation. For instance, she probably did take the rubbish out in the past week or two. Hearing you never take out the garbage will most likely only produce defensiveness. Or is it about the rubbish at all? Read between the lines.

Take the time to listen to what your partner is REALLY saying. Too often, especially when there is tension, we tend to think we heard what the other said. Alternatively, we don’t listen at all, especially when we lose patience. Stable relationships take a lot of empathy, and that is achieved when we feel the other’s pain, concerns, or desires. It takes time and effort in your relationship to value each other’s perspectives.
Fairy tales are not real- Two individuals do not melt into one. They remain individuals always, but in a good healthy relationship learn to appreciate their views are not always shared and that with a little time and negotiation resolution can be found.

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